Sep. 8th, 2010

felis_ultharus: The Pardoner from the Canterbury Tales (Pardoner)
So as of yesterday I have an altar from IKEA. Not that IKEA advertises it as such - rather, I've redeemed that most fallen of furniture-pieces, the TV table, and repurposed it toward a nobler end than the one it was destined for.

However, I'm quite sure that given the explosive growth of Neo-Paganism in Sweden as elsewhere, IKEA home altars are in the offing.

There is, of course, nothing new about Pagan holy sites that require assembly. Earlier this year, archaeologists uncovered a 6th-century Greek temple with assembly instructions in Italy.

And on Labour Day I was researching ancient Norse temples -- what else does one do on Labour Day, really? -- and was directed toward an article on heathen hofs and stave churches. For anyone who's never seen a picture of a stave church, they really are quite beautiful. Current thinking is that as soon as the Christians had burnt down the Pagan temples, they stole the architectural style. The Vikings had no DRM, so the copyright on their sacred architecture was easily bypassed. Stave temples became stave churches.

Anyway, I bring this up because the steps in building such a temple read suspiciously like the instructions to the Hemnes grey-brown sprucewood altar. Which explains why the Swedish are so good at this - they've been doing since Viking ages. Real Harald Bluetooth technology.

And you can just bet that the Vikings were furious after they waited ages by the warehouse to collect their DIY temples, only to be told that same-day delivery by longship was 85 ounces of hacksilver. Then they would undoubtedly over to collect their kids, who would have been screaming playfully in a small room filled of the skulls of IKEA's enemies.

And one day I'm sure, archaeologists will dig below the postholes and hearth sites and Frankish glass and gold figurines they always find in those buried Norse temple sites, and find the Allen keys. Because you know, once you lose the Allen keys, it will take you a thousand years to find them again.


felis_ultharus: The Pardoner from the Canterbury Tales (Default)

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