For Laurange, on the occasion of her pit thread

[felis_ultharus]

Other people have made the point far better than I could in this SDMB pit thread, started by laurange on Bell Sympatico's ad pandering to parental paranoia. All I have to offer is this bit of stolen poetry (Byron is the victim of my theft):

But that which Donna Inez most desired
And saw herself each day before all
The learnèd tutors whom for him she hired
Was that his [her son's] breeding should be strictly moral.
Much into all his studies she inquired,
And they were submitted first to her, all
Arts, sciences; no branch was made a mystery
To Juan's eyes, excepting natural history.

The languages, especially the dead,
The sciences, and most of all the abstruse,
The arts, at least all such as could be said
To be the most remote from common use.
In all these he was very much and deeply read,
But not a page of anything that's loose
Or hints continuation of the species
Was ever suffered, lest he should grow vicious.

His classic studies made a little puzzle,
Because of filthy loves of gods and goddesses,
Who in earlier ages raised a bustle,
But never put on pantaloons or bodices.
His reverend tutors had at times a tussle,
And for their Aeneids, Iliads, and Odysseys,
Were forced to make an odd sort of apology,
For Donna Inez dreaded the mythology.

Ovid's a rake, as half his verses show him,
Anacreon's morals are a worse sample,
Catullus scarcely has a decent poem,
I don't think Sappho's ode a good example,
Although Longinus tells us there is no hymn
Where the sublime soars forth on wings more ample,
But Virgil's songs are pure, except that horrid one
Beginning with Formosum pastor Corydon.

Lucretius' irreligion is too strong
For early stomachs to prove wholesome food.
I can't help thinking Juvenal was wrong,
Although no doubt his real intent was good,
For speaking out so plainly in his song,
So much indeed as to be downright rude.
And then what proper person can be partial
To all those nauseous epigrams of Martial!

Juan was taught from out the best edition,
Expurgated by learnèd men, who place
Judiciously from out the schoolboy's vision
The grosser parts, but fearful to deface
Too much their modest bard by this omission
And pitying sore his mutilated case,
They only add them all in an appendix,
Which saves in fact the trouble of an index,

For there we have them all at one fell swoop,
Instead of being scattered through the pages.


This kid is Don Juan, of course.