Maybe I won't date for another 4.5 years...

[felis_ultharus]

Ugh. After a long period avoiding dating of any kind, I just went out on my first date in 4.5 years.

And it was a disaster.

I'm not picky about looks or age, music or fashion tastes, the size or proportion of various body parts. I'm aware, too, that everyone has personality quirks. I consider myself a pretty patient person.

But I have one thing that I'm absolute on: I really do have to share most of the other guy's values.

If I wanted to hear how I'm naive for believing that workers should have rights or respect, for caring about the environment, for working to change things, I'd maybe go out on a second date with this guy. 'Cause getting lectured about that during a breakfast date just really isn't romantic.

Where are the available queer men with souls? I've got quite a few in my circle of friends, and I don't see any others outside it. Seems to me when I came out, all the older men had souls. They'd lived and fought so long, and knew things changed because they'd changed them.

I'm just so sick of being called "naive" by people who haven't lived half of what I have. I'm sick of emotional, spiritual, intellectual, imaginative, and physical laziness getting the glorious title of "realism."

Comments

[seal7.livejournal.com]

:( *hugs* Sorry you caught such an idiot. Certainly not what you deserve. There's idiots everywhere, but there's also good people everywhere. Don't give up that fast, that's not really like you :)

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thank you. I rant, and vent, but I'm not ready to give up yet :/

[sugar-spun.livejournal.com]

You have to kiss a certain number of frogs before you meet one that turns into a human being. I'm sorry :(

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

I know. I'm just out of practice after so long out of the dating world.

I haven't really given up. Just venting. This ione did particularly shake me.

But thanks, as always, for your kind words :)

[maidenofirisa.livejournal.com]

*hug*
I'm sorry it ended up this way but I'll have to agree with what the other people before me said: You shoudn't give up just yet. This guy really sounds like the type you should never meet again but there are some amazing people out there.

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

My worry is that I'll meet him again. When I first came out "gay conservative" was a contradiction in terms -- or refered to those men with a wife who snuck out to bathrooms from time to time.

Now there are gay conservatives everywhere. There must be something in the water.

[teecs.livejournal.com]

Sorry it went so horribly. There are plenty of jerks out there. It's just a matter of finding the diamond in the dirt. Good luck, and don't give up yet. He's out there for you...

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Ijust wish my first experience back in the dating world had gone better.

[infinitecomplex.livejournal.com]

I'm going to echo the comments you've already heard.

Don't give up just yet. This guy sounds like a patronising jerk, but there are plenty out there who aren't like him. In my experience, though, the one you're waiting for will turn up when you're least expecting it...

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

That's good to know ^_^

[yumemisama.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the club. I have half a dozen straight girls over here who could have repeated that rant word for word, except for the 'queer' part. (Straight girls who go after queer guys have larger problems than I want to deal with... o.O) You're welcome to come to our bi-monthly pity party if you ever happen to be in the neighborhood. What flavor of ice cream should we get for you, and how do you feel about films like Velvet Goldmine?

Consider yourself lucky that some of the weirder ones are too frightened to admit they're queer, even if they are. One run-in with a Mormon boy just back from his mission and on a quest to get married was plenty enough for me, thank you.

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

Hah. We get those, too, nowadays. As I was saying above, "gay conservative" used to be a contradiction in terms, but now they're everywhere. I've heard of gay mormons. I've met gay Jehovah's Witnesses.

And I'll accept the invitation readily, if I'm ever in the area :)

[yumemisama.livejournal.com]

And I'll accept the invitation readily, if I'm ever in the area :)

Unlikely, but not impossible. I'm at Northern Arizona University, and we have quite a bit of activity on the LBGA (or whatever the alphabet-soup acronym is now) front. There was a point where I knew about twice as many gay men as straight ones. I have a personal theory that it might have something to do with there being a larger-than-life bronze statue of a shirtless lumberjack in very tight jeans standing outside our school bookstore -- seriously, I am not making this up -- but what do I know? ;)

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

Could be ^_^

[em-fish.livejournal.com]

Don't give up. I'm still praying for that nice Jewish doctor myself.

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

^_^

Remind me sometime to tell you the doctor story of mine... ;)

[jc2004.livejournal.com]

Wow - I've gotten way out of the loop since I've been away from livejournal. I didn't know you needed back surgery and I'm only catching up on Harper's latest shenanigans. Sorry to hear the date totally blew. The trouble with the so-called realists is that reality has always been subjective and changes as new things are discovered. At one time the "reality" of the situation was that the earth was flat. Realists tend to make the idiotic assumption that their reality is the one that will endure, despite the fact that time and new evidence have disproven the claims of the majority who have called themselves realists in the past. A true realist is one who realizes that he has a hell of a lot more to learn and keeps his mind open to new possibilities. Most people just use the exalted claim of realism to rain on other people's parades out of spite because they don't have any hope about anything and misery loves company.

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was wondering where you were...?

It's been an interesting little while. I think the good lately outweighs the bad, but LJ is mostly appropriate to venting, so I think I sound pretty angry here :)

The problem with cynicism being called "realism" for me is that it's so simplistic. It takes the worst human traits for all human traits everywhere, for everyone. It misses the complicated details of human emotions. It assumes superiority over every human being one is not personally in contact with.

It's not even that it's just unrealistic. I've never liked the attitude of superiority that's part of it. Cynicism is tied up to delusions of grandeur.

I've recently discovered another reason to hate cynicism -- when I preach environmentalism, more and more I get the attitude that "Human beings can't change, so me as well die off," which means "I don't want to bother changing."

That attitude terrifies me. It's like the half the human race who doesn't believe in change now has the perfect excuse to drag the other half of us down with them.