Life-reflections
Feb. 5th, 2005 07:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
felis_ultharusI've been thinking about my life lately. I felt like I've sleepwalked through most of the last five years, and now, every once in awhile, I get a moment of lucidity.
I'm not really sure what I'm doing in English Grad. I was into it because I was happy at the bachelor's degree, but I don't really see myself as a teacher. There's simply nothing I want to do besides write, and I think being a teacher is something you have to be committed to.
I'm not sure I'm happy in this city. I have good friends here, but no community. The only queer community I've ever been able to find outside the bars is at the universities, and people there are around maybe four years before they go back to whatever part of the country they're from.
There's never been much of a pagan community here, and as for my political interests, you have to look pretty hard to find environmental groups. For all its progressive reputation, Montreal is still really backward on some pretty fundamental things.
This is a hard city to put down roots. Too much concrete, I suppose. So many people in this city seem free-floating, comfortable anonymously drifting from person to person and group to group. I guess I'm feeling a lack of permanancy.
I don't know. I'm not sure where this comes from or how serious I am. But it strikes me that I managed to become a part of several close-knit communities in the 9 months I was in Vancouver, I haven't had that in the 9 years I've been in Montreal.
At the same time, I'm happy right now. I'm not sure where it comes from, but I think the hell and horror of the last five years has begun to evaporate in the last six months. I think I'm finding my way back to the person I want to be.
I'm not really sure what I'm doing in English Grad. I was into it because I was happy at the bachelor's degree, but I don't really see myself as a teacher. There's simply nothing I want to do besides write, and I think being a teacher is something you have to be committed to.
I'm not sure I'm happy in this city. I have good friends here, but no community. The only queer community I've ever been able to find outside the bars is at the universities, and people there are around maybe four years before they go back to whatever part of the country they're from.
There's never been much of a pagan community here, and as for my political interests, you have to look pretty hard to find environmental groups. For all its progressive reputation, Montreal is still really backward on some pretty fundamental things.
This is a hard city to put down roots. Too much concrete, I suppose. So many people in this city seem free-floating, comfortable anonymously drifting from person to person and group to group. I guess I'm feeling a lack of permanancy.
I don't know. I'm not sure where this comes from or how serious I am. But it strikes me that I managed to become a part of several close-knit communities in the 9 months I was in Vancouver, I haven't had that in the 9 years I've been in Montreal.
At the same time, I'm happy right now. I'm not sure where it comes from, but I think the hell and horror of the last five years has begun to evaporate in the last six months. I think I'm finding my way back to the person I want to be.
