(no subject)

Arrived safely at jc2004 and snowdaemon's marvellous apartment last night. We went out for dinner.

Tonight there's going to be a party. I believe I shall have to get all my shopping done today.

Beginning to feel a lot like Christmas... and I rather wish it didn't...

I am not having a happy time of things right now. My budgeted cash ran out before my list of gifts did. That means some people out here I really have to buy for -- I won't be able to buy for them this year.

Plus all my agoraphobia and all the nastiness of Christmas crowds nearly gave me a panic attack. I stumbled back to the apartment building aching, and then I realized I didn't have the apartment number, so I couldn't ring up jc2004 or snowdaemon. I stumbled around for an hour in the rain, looking for a payphone -- 20 blocks of Kitsilano commercial zone, and not one working one -- and finally called snowdaemon and got the apartment number and came back here.

I loathe this holiday a little more every year. Every year I feed the commercial beast, which I despise. I spend myself into bankruptcy. And I really don't feel good about it. And it always comes right after essays, when I'm already worn and broken.

I really don't think I want to celebrate this holiday ever again. I mean, I like hanging out with friends, but I wish it didn't come with the consumerist glurge, and it shouldn't require an excuse like a major holiday to get together with people you care about :/