Beginning to feel a lot like Christmas... and I rather wish it didn't...

[felis_ultharus]

I am not having a happy time of things right now. My budgeted cash ran out before my list of gifts did. That means some people out here I really have to buy for -- I won't be able to buy for them this year.

Plus all my agoraphobia and all the nastiness of Christmas crowds nearly gave me a panic attack. I stumbled back to the apartment building aching, and then I realized I didn't have the apartment number, so I couldn't ring up jc2004 or snowdaemon. I stumbled around for an hour in the rain, looking for a payphone -- 20 blocks of Kitsilano commercial zone, and not one working one -- and finally called snowdaemon and got the apartment number and came back here.

I loathe this holiday a little more every year. Every year I feed the commercial beast, which I despise. I spend myself into bankruptcy. And I really don't feel good about it. And it always comes right after essays, when I'm already worn and broken.

I really don't think I want to celebrate this holiday ever again. I mean, I like hanging out with friends, but I wish it didn't come with the consumerist glurge, and it shouldn't require an excuse like a major holiday to get together with people you care about :/

Comments

[infinitecomplex.livejournal.com]

At least you made it back safe and sound in the end. *hugs*

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Glad to be here. I like this city, but I doubt I could like anywhere this time of year :/

[infinitecomplex.livejournal.com]

I'm amused that we're having this conversation on Livejournal whilst sitting about ten feet apart in the same room. :)

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

Indeed :)

[foi-nefaste.livejournal.com]

Dear... you DON'T have to celebrate this holiday again if you don't want to. Really. We love you, you know - don't freak out, or stress out over a whole bunch of stuff that's not entirely under your control.

... *hugs* I'll see you when you get back here, k?

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

I do like the social activities every year. And it is fun to see the look on people's faces when they open their gifts. And it's nice to receive, as well, especially since my friends know me so well :)

It's just that -- between the emotional agony that is Christmas shopping, and the difficulties of trying to shop ethically (it can't all be Body Shop and small bookstores) -- I reach Christmas not with pleasure, but in misery.

I'd like to make homemade gifts, if I have time. Problem is it comes right after essay-writing every year. I might bake cookies. I don't hate the conversations-around-eggnog at all -- the spending time with friends I enjoy :)

[melting-penguin.livejournal.com]

I know we don't need an excuse per se, it just seems to be so difficult to get together in general...however, your company is cherished always! (please call to set a time when you get home!)

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

I will. I think weekends will be best for both of us :)

[infinitecomplex.livejournal.com]

I just realised why Kits has no payphones. It's because everyone here is so laid back they'll let you use their phone if you need to. I think I've used phones in half the stores in Kitsilano at one time or another.

Of course, it's a little late to remember that now. :/

[felis-ultharus.livejournal.com]

Ah. That would explain it.